I love writing, and I love music, and I’m a middle aged Gen X’er. There was a period during which I thought could dump all those ingredients into one big pot and cook up a memoir. I envisioned it as a funny, uplifting, reassuring read that would capture all the lessons I was learning as I sought out “midlife appropriate” concerts, beyond the alternative music scene that I’d followed for so long.
I saw lots of shows. I did a lot of research. I wrote lots of drafts. I thought so, so hard about what it meant for the generation raised on a diet of latchkeys and MTV and Pop Rocks to hit middle age. Then I did it again, and again, and finally had a memoir that I thought was ready for its editorial debut.
The publishing industry did not agree. So just like a musician rehearsing her song, I started again at the top, with the shows and the research and the rewrites. Same outcome from publishers. Their refrain was, “Not enough at stake. Where’s the crisis?”
The day finally dawned when I realized that maybe they were right. Compared to other memoirs that were coming to market, of addiction and illness and jail-worthy poor choices, my worry about where I fit into the music scene after 40 was, in fact, a hill of beans, and not one that might ever morph into printed form.
And it occurred to me that what I had was the opposite of a problem. That I am really lucky. “Not enough crisis” is kind of a validation of how I’ve lived my life, you know? That’s not to say I’ve entirely made peace with not publishing (and yes, I considered the self-publishing route but it’s not the answer for me, not right now.) I tell myself that maybe all this material will come back in a different form, or at a different time. Or that I’m supposed to be working on something else right now.
But something still bothered me: after all that thinking and writing and research, I really did feel optimistic about what it meant to be a Gen Xer at middle age. I felt I had something worthwhile on the topic to share. And if it wasn’t going to be in my own memoir, I needed to find another channel.
So today I present to you that message, in an essay I wrote for Tue/Night called How Do I Feel About A Midlife Crisis? Whatever. This is the core of my memoir, boiled down to 1100 words. This is the message I’ve focused on for the past four years. If you are around my age, I hope you will read it and feel excited about what midlife means for us. I hope you will raise your GenX membership card high. (As if membership cards were ever something we slackers would carry.)
And if you like it, may I ask you to share and forward? I may never get a book deal. But I sure would be gratified if this message found a way to the readers who need it.
Thank you!
Man, do I love how Arrested Development lets everyone know they are still creating and speaking the truth (and earning) at midlife in this song…
