I have what should be excellent news for my husband, who starts Christmas shopping at approximately 2:19 pm every December 24. What I want for Christmas this year is free.
All I want is ample time on the couch with my books.
That’s it. I just want to spend hours sitting near the living room window, maybe a cup of coffee or a glass of wine depending on the time, and one of the many books piled up on my nightstand. I want to stay there so long that there is a Nancy-shaped dent in the cushion. Reading makes me happy, gives me peace, helps me dream. And it doesn’t cost you a penny, since I already have reading material that will last well into 2014.
Although, in the interest of disclosure, for you to give me this gift does require a bit of effort. In order to free up my time for reading, you’ll just need to handle the following tasks:
1.) Shop for family groceries. Make sure to buy a lot of the oft-requested, never-elaborated-upon “Good Food for Lunches and Snacks” for which the kids clamor. You won’t know whether you’ve found those elusive vittles until you come home and everyone says, “There’s nothing to eat!” twenty minutes later. Probably requires at least one ancillary shopping trip for each planned shopping trip, to buy that one thing you forgot.
2.) Know where all ballet accessories are, at all times. You’ll be the go-to guy when, 5 minutes before we have to leave for ballet, someone cannot find her leotard, her tights, her ballet shorts, or her skirt. You should probably plan to block off at least 15 minutes per day in searching for these skittish and shy belongings under beds, in hampers, and, as a last resort, in the ballet bags that the owners swear they have already searched.
3.) Have meaningful moments with the dog. Stare deep into his eyes. Tell him he is a good pup. Wave a toy or two at him and let him get absurdly excited at the abundance of attention. Scratch behind his ears and assure him that everyone loves him. If you don’t, then he will come find me on the couch, place his head across the page to block the words, and groan as though all joy has left the universe.
4.) Find out if it’s too early to cut back the roses. This involves walking through the neighborhood and spying on other people’s gardens to see if the ones who can afford professional lawn care have already cut back the roses for winter. I’ll do the cutting; I just need to know the exact day when the lady in the grey house with the fabulous climbing roses has her lawn guy cut hers. Constant monitoring is key.
5.) Find uses for kale. Now that I’m getting a box of vegetables delivered from a CSA, you may have noticed that we’re up to our elbows in kale, chard, and parsnips. The kids don’t include “kale sandwiches” and “parsnip cake” in their list of Good Foods (See #1) so we need some fresh ideas, pun intended. And that requires Internet research time as well as phone calls to the good cooks in our circle of friends. By the way, I’m open to non-eating related uses; a Swiss Chard throw pillow is fine, as long as it moves produce out of my crisper.
6.) Maintain my social graph. I love Twitter and Facebook and Google+ for the way they’ve connected me with likeminded readers, writers, and music fans I wouldn’t know otherwise. The amount of time, however, that it takes to feel “caught up” or “plugged in” is a time-sucking black hole. I could do nothing else but respond to updates, read and comment on blog posts, and listen to streaming new music, and I’d still be behind and suffering a bad case of FOMO (thanks Fritinancy for the definition.) If you could just keep me all up to date on all the social networks, that’d be great.
That’s it. Easy. My book pile and I thank you kindly, and wish you luck.
Bet that bauble in the robin’s egg blue box is looking cheaper by the second.
Here’s Neil Finn’s newest project – Pajama Club – with a live performance of “Tell Me What You Want” from their eponymous 2011 debut album. I’ll be wearing pajamas as often as possible over the next few days, so this song works all around. I’m still on the fence with this band, I have to say – seems like two of the main reasons for forming it were to give Neil a chance to sit at the drum kit for a change, and to have a family band with his wife (the dark haired lead vocalist.) What say you?